It's been a bad week for England football captain John Terry. First, his affair with Wayne Bridge's ex-girlfriend was exposed...then his wife Toni left, and the women just keep coming out of the closet! I don't know whether 'I Pulled John Terry' T-shirts will become an ironic accessory on this side of the pond in the way that 'I Slept With Tiger' tees have in the US, but my money is on more women lining up at Max Clifford's door to sell variations of their 'I know it was only five minutes in the toilets of Funky Buddha, and he was vomiting continuously, but I really thought that he could be The One!' kiss-and-tell stories. Footballers occupy a weird alternative moral universe. ( Read more... )

 The New York Observer has helpfully broken down the older woman/younger man phenomenon by generation. Now we don't just have 'cougars' (40-something women who date younger men), we also have 'cheetahs', the thirty-something, 'younger cousins' of cougars who date men in their twenties, and (gasp) sometimes want to stay the night, because they are 'on the prowl'. Confused yet? There are also the 'pumas', women in their late twenties to early thirties who hit on men in their early twenties.  

Am I the only one who is getting really tired of all of this sexist labelling of relationships? I'm 32 and when I date a man in his 50s, the only thing I hear him described as is 'bachelor'. Yet my girlfriend who is my age and dating a man who is four years younger than her gets constantly teased about her 'boy toy'. What's the big deal? My parents are one year apart. They met, got married, bought a big house and waited exactly seven years before they started having children. In short, they did everything by society's 'checklist', and their marriage fell apart. Meanwhile, my dad and step mum have a twenty year age difference and are very happy together. Isn't life WAY too short to keep slapping solitary cat labels on relationships?  

I wasn't surprised when Katie Roiphe wrote in the New York Times book review that these days, male writers tend to craft sex scenes that are a bit, well, flaccid.

If these guys grew up watching the same movies as I did, it's no wonder that they are totally confused.

The past two decades have been all about the rise of the sensitive man, and the metrosexual. On the other hand, men are told that they have to win at all costs.

Focusing on writers like David Foster Wallace, Dave Eggers, Michael Chabon, and Jonathan Franzen, she Roiphe writes that "The current sexual style is more childlike; innocence is more fashionable than virility, the cuddle preferable to sex.’

While I enjoy the male writers she mentioned, their descriptions of lovemaking leave me cold. After reading them, I’m left wondering if these guys would rather crawl back inside their mother's nether regions than get inside mine.

I think that the era of the ‘sensitive’ guy officially began around 1989, when women everywhere fell in love with John Cusack’s trench coat-wearing anti-hero Lloyd Dobler from Say Anything. He was every girl’s best friend, he wrote love letters, and when he finally got the girl into bed, he shook with happiness.

So pervasive was ‘the Dobler effect’ that Chuck Klosterman blamed John Cusack for a generation of male angst when he wrote in Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs that ‘every straight girl I know would sell her soul to share a milkshake with that motherf**ker.’

We were supposed to idolise him. But I always rooted for the bad boys in movies. I hung out with guys like Lloyd at school, but after dark it was another story.

I watched Mickey Rourke drag Kim Basinger through a back alley in 9 ½ Weeks late night, and rooted for Amanda Bearse to drop the geeky teen boyfriend and jump on Chris Sarandon as a sexy older vampire in Fright Night.

These men weren’t awkward or uncertain. They knew what they wanted, and they took it.

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First Italian scientists claimed that they could find the G-spot through ultrasound, and now researchers at King's College London say that the ever-elusive pleasure zone doesn't exist. The study was led by Andrea Burri, who told The Times that the research was meant to lessen the feelings of inadequacy that women feel. 'It is rather irresponsible to claim the existence of an entity that has never really been proven and pressurise women--and men, too,' she says.

The study is already being challenged. But researcher Tim Spector tells The Times, "This is by far the biggest study ever carried out and it shows fairly conclusively that the idea of a G-spot is subjective."

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Nothing channels the spirit of the holidays like Charlie Sheen, his wife Broke Mueller, and a domestic violence arrest. Looking at this mug shot, I can't help but wonder why women always think that we can change men. Charlie spent Christmas in the winter wonderland of the Aspen slammer after a huge bust-up and reports that he threatened Brooke with a knife. Couldn't Brooke have seen this one coming? This is the guy who accidentally shot one ex-girlfriend (Kelly Preston, in 1990). His divorce from Denise Richards was a tabloid train wreck, and he was named by madam Heidi Fleiss as one of her biggest clients. Sheen's MO of late seems to involve meeting a woman, falling in love, getting married, and doing magazine covers saying [insert name here] is the best thing that ever happened to him and that he's a 'changed man'. I can understand why women fall for Charlie. It's intoxicating to believe these wonderful things, but it's also a HUGE red flag. No one is a perfect match; we're all human--and if a guy puts you so far up on a pedestal there is nowhere to go but down. It's already happening, according to the New York Daily News, Sheen is saying that the fight happened because of 'her partying'. ( Read more... )

I was talking to a girlfriend last night about what to do when you hit the 'stomach drop' stage in a relationship - i.e. the point where it's fairly new, but you actually start caring enough to be really bummed if the guy bails out. I suppose I could go to a therapist and talk about my abandonment issues, but I find that what works wonders for me in situations like this is a little creative visualisation. I have an unlikely relationship guru: Samuel L. Jackson's hit man character from Pulp Fiction. There's a great scene in the diner where Amanda Plummer's skittish wannabee robber is holding a gun on Jules, and he turns the tables on her by screaming 'Tell that bitch to chill out!' It's hilarious, and she goes from hyperactive gunslinger to docile bunny rabbit in two seconds flat. So every time I pick up the phone to drunk dial or send that extra email in a new relationship, I pretend that Samuel is holding a gun to my head telling me not to do anything stupid and asking me 'What's Fonzie like?'. When I get worked up over a situation that largely exists inside my own head, I ask myself: Do I want to be the nutty chick or the one strolling out to to the cool soundtrack? I try to put my phone away and remember his immortal words: 'We're gonna be cool.'

As adult film star Joslyn James raises Tiger Woods' list of tally to 10 (and counting...when did he have time to play golf?!) I was asked to comment on BBC Radio London on whether infidelity is forgivable under any circumstances.
My answer: Sometimes. I think that every situation is different, but in Tiger's case it would be tough to ignore not only his affairs, but his cavalier attitude toward women in general. I agree with Tracy Quan, who wrote in the Daily Beast that Tiger's biggest problem was that he failed not only at monogamy, but at basic harem management--and common sense. Would Mindy Lawton, the $8-an-hour waitress, have called him a 'selfish, heartless man' if Tiger had been a bit more thoughtful? It sounds counterintuitive, but it may have been better for his family if he had been honest with himself about what his needs were. Then he could have hired prostitutes who may have been less likely to sell him out instead of leading on starstruck girls with totally crazy dreams of being the next Mrs. Woods. Maybe the real question is why we put sportsmen on such a high pedestal in the first place. Just because Tiger is a fantastic golfer doesn't mean that he's a fantastic human being.

Case in point: If it's true that Tiger talked about giving his wife a 'Kobe special' (referring to the $4 million plus diamond ring that the basketball star gave his wife when he was accused of raping a young hotel employee and forced to admit adultery) to make the problem go away, he's lucky that his wife only hit him with a golf club. As I said on the radio, I don't understand why people get married and then continue to sleep around. Finally, I'm really tired of the argument that human's aren't naturally monogamous. There may be some truth to this from an evolutionary standpoint, but hopefully we are also evolved enough as people to have a choice, especially when there are children involved. I mean, if everyone just did exactly what they wanted to do, all the time, I could masturbate and order pizza all day instead of ever working. At some point, we learn impulse control. Tiger's biggest problem isn't his wandering hands, it's his arrogance.( Read more... )( Read more... )

The New York Times Magazine has an interesting piece on women with low libido. As researchers revise the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, they admit that around 30 percent of women go through periods of not wanting any sex at all. So is lust something that can be put into a pill? Flibanserin has been hailed as 'the female Viagra' but studies show that it the test group taking the drug only had one more satisfying sexual encounter per month than the placebo group. Also, unlike the patch or Viagra, Flibanserin has to be taken daily for weeks to have any effect. For some women who are suffering from lack of desire, the drug could be a great help. But is low sex drive really a 'mental disorder'? What about all of the women out there who are happy living without sex? Or those whose low desire is a result of an emotionally absent or sexually inept partner? The Times piece points out that sexually starts in the mind...if that's true, I find it hard to believe you can fix complex emotional issues by popping a pill.

So Belle de Jour, the formerly anonymous prostitute/blogger/author has finally been unmasked as a PhD. The press is debating everything from the dangers of anonymity to what her parents think (of course, someone has already tracked down her estranged dad). I can understand why she wanted to write under a pseudonym to protect her privacy; I agonised over whether or not to use a pen name when I wrote my book. Eventually, I decided that I didn't want to, because a) I wasn't ashamed to be having sex (it's not like I was protecting state secrets!) and b) I figured that the truth would emerge eventually, and if you try to hide something it always seems like a bigger deal when it eventually comes out. Reading the judgmental comments did make me laugh though: These days people write memoirs about every horror under the sun, so why is sex between consenting adults still such a taboo?

Marilyn Manson doesn't believe in hoovering tubs of Ben and Jerry's after a split. He goes straight for the medicine cabinet, and channels his rage into art. So his new video for 'Running to the Edge of the World' is, surprise surprise, pretty graphic. He kills a bikini-clad girl who looks a LOT like his ex-girlfriend Evan Rachel Wood. Guess talking to Spin magazine  about how about how he called her 158 times after they broke up, and  took a razor blade and cut himself on his face or his hands--because he, um, wanted to show her the pain she put him through wasn't cathartic enough for him. Oh, and he admits  that 'every day' he has 'fantasies about smashing her skull in with a sledgehammer.' 

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After years of blubbering politicians and their crocodile tears, it's pretty ironic that a comedian has set the standard for serious public confessions. David Letterman's straight-talking admission that he's done 'creepy' things, while not his finest hour, was done the right way. No BS public apology, no mention of a higher power, no miserable-looking wife wringing her hands while being forced to stand by her man in the background. He told us what happened (to a sympathetic audience), on his terms, and hopes to move on.

Of course, the press is still trying to dig up dirt--most recently about a so-called secret bedroom that sources are calling 'the bunker' (it's probably closer to a fold-out couch!) But really, if he has had other consensual affairs with staff members, who cares?  He cheated because the opportunity was there, and found a pool of willing women after spending intense 15-hour days with them. He's an entertainer, not a politician--so he has no responsibility to maintain a standard of morality. Though to be honest, I respect Dave more than most politicians. Hey, at least he's not a hypocrite.  

 The Frisky has a great piece today on Six Cases of Hollywood Baby Daddy Drama, starting with Jude Law's recent paternity snafu. Samantha Burke has given birth to her child, but he's not visiting the baby until a DNA test comes back positive. Jude isn't the only one to ask for a DNA test: Mel Gibson, Eddie Murphy, and Keanu Reeves have all recently submitted samples.

What did these guys do before DNA? I was watching Fatal Attraction the other night, and it seemed so, well, retro to have to go into court and argue paternity. Now they have ironclad proof. So there's no need to talk trash. So why do they still do it??  Don't pull a Stephen Bing and deny the baby. You can't win either way. If the baby is yours, you look like an evil bastard, and the kid has to read about his father making an idiotic statement for the rest of his life. If the baby isn't yours, you look like a total arse. It's just not nice. 

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So Roman Polanski finally got arrested, and will be fighting extradition on his 32-year-old sex case. I'm not going to go into all of the details of the case, because everyone under the sun already has, but I just have to wonder: Why is Kanye West getting demolished in the press for grabbing the microphone at an awards ceremony, while someone who committed a crime on this level is being defended? Yes, he's made some amazing films over the past few decades. Yeah, I loved 'Chinatown'. And I'm all for him getting a fair trial. But his awards don't change the fact that he drugged, raped and sodomized a 13-year-old child. I don't care if his victim forgave him. It's time to come back to the US and face the music. If there really was 'substantial misconduct' during the original hearing, these charges need to be addressed in court. Unfortunately for Polanski, this can't be tried by a jury at Sundance.

I just did an interview on BBC Radio Wales talking about the study that claims sleeping in separate beds is the key to a happy marriage. Some people think that it harms intimacy, but personally, I think that having my own room would be awesome. In some of my past relationships where snoring has been an issue (theirs, not mine!), I've slept in the spare room, and it didn't mean that we were in buttoned-up pyjamas in twin beds. We would have sex, have a cuddle, then I would go into my own private room, so that while he was snoring like a buzzsaw, I slept through the night and was in a much better mood come morning. I'm not saying that it's for everyone, but it's an option worth considering.

I've told my boyfriend that if we ever get married, I want my own bathroom. In my mind, a two-bathroom system seems to be the key to relationship longevity. I don't want to know what happens behind his door, and I don't want him to know about my hair removal regime. As far as he's concerned, I'm naturally hairless below the eyebrows. Period. Maybe that's what my mum meant when she talked about 'preserving some mystery'?

 According to the Daily Express, Scottish men buy larger condoms that their counterparts south of the border. Tesco reports that more of its extra-large condoms had been bought in Glasgow than anywhere else in the UK. The new condoms - 10 mm longer and 1 mm wider than the standard version - went on sale at Tesco earlier this month. 

So, what's the real story? Are Scottish men really better hung, or are they buying boxes of extra-large condoms just to look impressive next to the bed?
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 I can't believe that John Hughes is gone. By writing and directing the most iconic teenage movies of the 80s, he had a huge impact on my childhood.  Recently Jezebel did an analysis of the ups and downs of having a John Hughes boyfriend. But they only gave pre-Secretary James Spader a 'C' grade? Despite being a complete jerk in Pretty in Pink, Spader became the stuff of my fantasies because 1) he looked hot in a white linen blazer - SO 80s and 2) he spent the entire movie openly smoking in the hallway, yet never got in trouble.  
On a serious note, I loved John Hughes teen movies because the heroines were believable. Molly Ringwald in Pretty in Pink and Sixteen Candles was cute, but awkward, like most teenagers - not a sexy supermodel wearing glasses who gets a 'makeover' in the last five minutes of the movie and suddenly becomes hot. I could relate to her. Maybe I'm just getting old, but it seems like they don't make them like they used to.
RIP John: You will be missed. But you will live on forever in syndication!

 I'm in LA for a few days, but I was really interested to read The Frisky's take on whether or not you should tell a friend if you suspect that their partner has been cheating. I don't know if it's just my social circle, but my American and UK friends seem to be on completely opposite sides of this debate. My American friends all say they would want to know, while my UK pals almost universally wouldn't. They say that what happens between couples isn't any of my business, and that if the person getting the bad news chooses to believe the cheater, I could lose the friendship (this article calls this phenomenon 'shoot-the-messenger syndrome').  

This is all true (and I have lost a friendship because I told someone I saw her man kissing someone else, which he denied...) but I still think that I would tell someone if I knew that their partner was screwing around. Because, at the end of the day, I would want someone to tell me. 

 Chris Brown has released a video [via TMZ], in which he apologises for the 'incident' (a.k.a. the assault on Rihanna) and asking his fans to forgive him. He claims it's taken him this long to comment because his lawyers wouldn't let him speak out about the case. He adds that he's in counselling and says 'I intend to live my life so that I'm truly worthy of the word 'role model.' 

Interesting that while he talks about 'what I've done', 'what happened', and 'what occurred,' he never actually calls it what it is: He punched his girlfriend in the face, choked her and bit her. Isn't part of an apology actually stepping up to the plate and taking responsibility for what happened? I have zero respect for such a half-arsed effort. 

A Daily Mail writer blames the recession for tearing apart her three-year relationship. At first, Charlotte's relationship with her boyfriend James was 'fun', because he cared about all of the things that she did, including 'clothes, magazines, and fashionable restaurants.' Over a first date of lobster and oysters, they fell in love.

The the credit crunch hit, and a night out at Scott's and holidays in Bali were replaced by nights sitting in front of the television.
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