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Catherine Townsend

A sex and dating columnist, Catherine Townsend published her first novel Sleeping Around: Secrets of a Sexual Adventuress in 2007, and followed up with Breaking The Rules: Confessions of a Bad Girl in 2008. She also appeared in How To Have Sex After Marriage on Five, and is now writing a third book. Born in Arkansas, Catherine was a gossip columnist for New York Magazine before moving to London in 2003, since when she has had a very interesting - and pretty public - private life...

Hot For Teacher

Posted by Catherine Townsend
  • Tuesday, 7 July 2009 at 11:31 am
After reading about the PE teacher who worked as a gigolo and ran a brothel with his wife, I'm less worried about his so-called 'secret double life' and more worried about why the police are focusing their energies on this couple?

By day, Tim Black-Bowell was a teacher at a comprehensive in rural Kent. By night, he sold his body and managed a team of six other prostitutes with his wife Emma from a rented flat in Canturbury. He offered clients 'personal services by male and females for men, women and couples of all persuasions'.  He drove the girls home after their shifts, so he seems to have had some concern for their safety. And the couple's operation was discovered during a Kent Police probe into illegal sex-trafficking from Eastern Europe, but the Blake-Bowells only used willing British women.

So the police confiscated a bunch of sex toys and massage oils, and 'uncovered' a lot of consenting adults who were conducting a business transaction. It seems that they would have more important things to focus on: Like climbing burglary rates, or violent crime?


Warning: Moralist says gay marriage turns men gay!

Posted by Catherine Townsend
  • Saturday, 4 July 2009 at 12:03 pm
At first I thought this was a joke: But this article on Beliefnet [via Jezebel]  that discusses how women should fight societal acceptance of gay marriage, because homosexuality will become as normal as it was in ancient Rome, appears to be legit. Apparently, if gay marriage becomes the norm,  all men will turn gay, because they are better lovers!

That's right ladies: 'the historical precedent suggests that tomorrow's women will have a harder time finding and holding on to suitable men,' who will leave us for 'smooth-skinned boys'.  

People may feel more free to experiment in a tolerant climate, but sexual orientation doesn't 'flip' based on convenience. Maybe it's just me, but I think this piece says way more about the repressed desires of the earnest-looking author than it does about society. 
 The Daily Mail has a piece written by Michael Jackson's 'confidante' J. Randy Tarraborelli saying that it wasn't a sham marriage, because MJ had passionate sex with his then-wife Lisa Marie Presley. She told a friend that, far from being asexual, he was 'red hot' in bed. 

But he still refused to stop having sleepovers with boys, and became obsessed with having children. She said later 'When I imagined having a child with him, all I could ever see was the custody battle nightmare.' It would appear that she made the right call. 

 Because according to TMZ, Debbie Rowe is NOT the biological mother of the older two children--she was merely the surrogate. This means her position re: custody (should she want it) is unique in California--she's not related to them, but she was his wife at the time of the birth. And Michael never formally adopted the kids. Of course, blood doesn't make a parent, but it's sad that these kids will likely grow up having no idea where they came from. Either way, it's a mess. 

More women going down in the downturn...

Posted by Catherine Townsend
  • Friday, 26 June 2009 at 01:35 pm

 There's an interesting piece in Salon about women turning to sex work to support themselves during the downturn...like 'Marie', a 30-year-old former corporate supervisor who is now turning tricks on Craigslist.

 

Since peeing on a stranger in her own bed for $100, 'she's been paid more times than she can count, or cares to count, for sex, blow jobs, hand jobs and sensual massage.' 

Marie is not alone. Strip clubs, X-rated Web cam companies and escort managers have reported an increase in job applications in the last several months -- ironically, at the same time that business is going through hard times.   


iPhone Vibrator

Posted by Catherine Townsend
  • Friday, 19 June 2009 at 05:00 pm
 Gizmodo has a review of MyPleasure.com's MyVibe application for the iPhone. The pros: It's a free, and a fun idea: It uses an on/off button and has up and down arrows that control the amount of vibration. The cons: It's limited to the amount of vibration that the iPhone produces. So the orgasmic potential seems pretty weak. And exchanging dirty texts is fine, but pressing a phone to your nether regions on a crowded Tube isn't exactly discreet. 

For a first effort, it's not bad. But if a guy wanted to send a tingling sensation down south, wouldn't putting the phone on 'vibrate' and calling a few times have exactly the same effect? 

Cameron Diaz Defends Child-free Women

Posted by Catherine Townsend
  • Thursday, 11 June 2009 at 11:05 am
 So Cameron Diaz has spoken out in defence of women who don't want children by telling Cosmopolitan magazine that women are 'afraid to say that they don't want children because they're going to get shunned.' 

She's right. There are now more single people than couples in the UK, so childless women are becoming the norm. Still, women who admit that they don't want kids (or that they aren't sure/ it's not their top priority) are still regarded as a bit weird (or selfish) by society, which is crazy considering that we live in a very overpopulated world. Surely it's more selfish to have a child for the wrong reasons??
Read more... )

Want to live longer? Be a sugar daddy!

Posted by Catherine Townsend
  • Friday, 5 June 2009 at 04:11 pm
So researchers have confirmed what Hugh Hefner figured out a long time ago: That men who marry younger women live longer.   They say that men who hook up with women seven to nine years younger cut the risk of premature death by 11 percent ,while those with brides 15 to 17 years younger cut their chances of dying early by a fifth.

I assume, as the article concludes, that it may have something to do with natural selection: The most successful men with the most money (and presumably, access to the best health care) are able to attract younger women to keep them 'active' and later, act as nurses. 

Read more... ) 

The female ejaculation debate...

Posted by Catherine Townsend
  • Friday, 29 May 2009 at 10:26 am
 The New Scientist has a fascinating take on the always controversial topic of female ejaculation. The 'does it exist' debate has been going on for ages - re-ignited back in 2002 when  material got cut from British Cum Queens (the censors argued that the actresses were urinating) and a feminist group argued that it should be put back in because some women could ejaculate (though most of what is happening in porn is staged!)

Read more... )

Are smart girls really better in bed?

Posted by Catherine Townsend
  • Wednesday, 13 May 2009 at 08:31 am
 The evidence keeps mounting up that brainy women really do have better sex - but researchers aren't talking about IQ. Instead, they say that women with high 'emotional intelligence' can have up to twice as many orgasms as their 'less switched-on sisters.' 

Emotional Intelligence is the ability to express our emotions and to read the emotions of others, so it makes sense that women who are good at making themselves heard in an argument and negotiating compromise will have the confidence to helpfully point out where her clitoris is if he gets it wrong. 

This doesn't surprise me: Women who have confidence and and can communicate their desires to their partner probably do have a much greater chance of getting what they want in bed. And they are probably also less likely to fake it when things aren't going well.
 
So it's much less about waiting for the 'perfect man' to push our buttons, and much more about knowing where they are so that we can show them. We would get so much more out of relationships--and even one-night-stands--if everyone just learned to ask for what they want. 

Can We Trust the New Male Contraceptive Jab?

Posted by Catherine Townsend
  • Friday, 8 May 2009 at 09:53 am
Amanda Platell writes in the Daily Mail that she'll NEVER trust a man who says he's had the new contraceptive jab, and neither should any woman. Because apparently, 'men are wonderful creatures, but they are not to be relied upon.' How sexist. How ridiculous. 

My male friends are thrilled about the introduction of the male jab, which could hopefully someday be an alternative to the female Pill. It's fantastic news for both men and women: Women will have the option of not bearing sole responsibility for pumping tons of hormones into their bodies every day in a long-term relationship, and men will have much more control over their fertility. 

Platell's argument about the 'question of proof' is also ridiculous: Basically, she says that men are more likely to lie and say they've had the jab when they haven't. Hello, is this any different to women who lie and say that they are on the Pill, and end up getting pregnant? 

If two people don't know each other well enough to trust that they may be lying or trying to 'trap' each other, someone should insist on a condom. Period.  But for her to say 'deep inside every man who still has his own hair and teeth...is a sexual predator' seems a bit extreme. Both men and women lie sometimes,  but I would definitely trust a long-term boyfriend to have the jab. Not all men are evil, and not all women are angels. 

Evolution of the Penis

Posted by Catherine Townsend
  • Friday, 1 May 2009 at 09:31 am
Thanks to  Scientific American, we know that the penis is, in an evolutionary sense, 'an impressive tool in every sense of the word'. But why is it shaped the way it is?

 Basically, the design of the penis and large size (relative to other primates, anyway!) make it the perfect weapon for displacing sperm inside a woman's body. 

 As the writer says, 'at least some degree of fooling around has been our modus operandi for at least as long as we've been on two legs'. Since sperm cells can survive in a woman's body for up to several days, this means that if she has more than one partner over this period of time, then the sperm of these two men are doing battle inside her body. 

This isn't just a theory: Gordon Gallup actually did tests with prosthetic genitals from erotic novelty stores, and boiled his own seminal fluid in an exhaustive battery of tests. This casts serious doubt over the theory that women are naturally monogamous, while men are destined to spread the seed.

I'll have to remember that at my next dinner party discussion. 

52 Week Deadline to Mr. Right

Posted by Catherine Townsend
  • Friday, 24 April 2009 at 02:02 pm
 A 43-year-old American woman has set herself a 52-week deadline for finding The One, and set up a website to help her with her search. Experts are weighing in: Is she crazy for making her hunt for a husband a priority, or does her method make sense? 

I agree that it makes sense to put yourself out there as much as possible, having adventures and make meeting new people a priority (this is why I love Internet dating!), but I think that setting an artificial deadline is taking things too far. I wouldn't marry someone who seemed desperate. I want to believe that the man I marry is walking down the aisle because he loves me, not because it's the eleventh hour and he's worried that he may not meet anyone else. 

Her idea sounds more like a business plan than a love affair. 

Anyway, don't women have enough pressure dealing with ticking biological clocks without adding yet another self-imposed deadline to the mix? 

Dating Site For The Well Endowed

Posted by Catherine Townsend
  • Friday, 17 April 2009 at 12:13 pm
I've heard of filtering for height, location, and even income, but Seven or Better is a new online dating site for women who want to find out how many inches her man is packing in his trousers before the first date. Apparently, the site only takes men  with penises that are 'confirmed to be seven inches or longer'

'Hello ladies,” the site begins. “Wouldn’t it be nice to know upfront if a man has what it takes to satisfy you sexually?' 

Right. Because just showing up with a huge erection and pounding away is a guarantee of sexual ecstasy--NOT!

The insanity continues:

'For men interested in women, it is quite easy to see if the woman’s breast size is to his liking or not, or even the shape and size of her derriere.'

I guess this site has never heard of padded bras! 

I didn't really bother to read further, because frankly the whole thing could be a joke--and I guess it's no worse than some of the other sites that reject people who aren't considered hot enough or smart enough, but something about this site just leaves me cold.  

And, on a practical note, since men to exaggerate vertical height on dating sites, how the hell are these guys going to verify length??

 


Lindsay's Dating Ad

Posted by Catherine Townsend
  • Friday, 17 April 2009 at 08:11 am
Her break-up with girlfriend Samantha Ronson may have been a train wreck, but I have to admit that I'm loving Lindsay Lohan's new singles ad on eHarmony. In the spoof video, which has become an Internet sensation, she jokes about her arrests for driving under the influence of alcohol, saying 'I would define my personality as creative, a bit of a night owl, a workaholic, a shopaholic and according to the State of California...an alcoholic, as well as a threat to all security guards if they work in hotels.' 

She also promises her new significant other (male or female) that 'We'll crash a few parties, hit a car or two but at the end of the day I promise you I never lose my Google hits. Just my underwear.' 

It may not help her land any more film roles, but laughing at herself is definitely one way to get over the 'absolute hell' of a breakup. And my guess is that she will get tons of responses: For some reason people seem to love crazy women, as long as they are 'hot crazy' and don't tip over into 'Fatal Attraction crazy'. Maybe it's because they imagine that women who are wild party animals will be wildcats in bed? Unfortunately, it will probably be from either a) people who want to 'rescue' her or b) people with just as many issues as she has, because drama tends to attract drama.

Here's hoping that she can keep smiling and avoid it for awhile. 
 



Dressing Up Like Sex Dolls

Posted by Catherine Townsend
  • Friday, 10 April 2009 at 10:14 am
 Wow. I really, really thought I'd heard it all when it came to fetishes...but that was before I clicked on The Frisky this morning  [via Asylum] and saw the men who claim to get off on wearing the 'skins' of latex sex dolls - complete with their blank-looking faces and dead, staring eyes.  

It's called 'masking' or 'femskins', and apparently there are so many of these guys that they've planned a convention (though apparently, it was cancelled). 

I'm not one to judge anyone else's sex life, but personally, this would scare the hell out of me. I'll have to add this to my (very short) list of sexual dealbreakers, right along with a) coprophilia and b) a guy jumping out of the closet wearing a clown outfit and carrying a knife. I think those are probably the only things that I could find more disturbing. Seriously, re-creating the Buffalo Bill scene from Silence of the Lambs is not my idea of seduction. 

Pubic Hair: The Musical

Posted by Catherine Townsend
  • Tuesday, 7 April 2009 at 02:18 pm

Salon has posted the new UK ad for the Quattro for Women bikini razor, which shows lots of women wielding huge scissors and grinning madly push huge pink mowers while singing about how they "mow the lawn." Apparently, "some bushes are really big," although the Asian girl has a bonsai that's "really small." Wow. So my savings may be earning zero percent and my house has dropped in value, but the answer to stress relief during the recession is grabbing a razor and shaping my bush into a whimsical heart--who knew?

The message is lighthearted, but the ad will doubtless upset lots of women who believe that our culture's obsession with what Salon calls 'bush maintenance' has gone too far. Personally, I don't think it's that big a deal: I personally think that the trend toward better pubic hair grooming has been a good thing--for both men and women. The ad isn't advocating that women pursue a scorched earth policy and go completely bald: They are merely calling for a bit of basic maintenance. I expect the men in my life to make sure that they don't have visible nose hair, and while they are at it, to trim the hedges downstairs. And a random straw poll of my male friends shows that they are more likely to go down on a girl with good grooming. 

It's simple. Less pubic hair = more oral sex. That's why these girls are smiling! 


Do women in Hollywood age in dog years?

Posted by Catherine Townsend
  • Friday, 27 March 2009 at 01:07 pm
 The Guardian has a hilarious take on casting directors' ageism, pointing out that the idea that 'one dog year is equal to seven human years could just as easily be applied to female actors as Alsatian'. The examples are endless: Angelina Jolie cast as Colin Farrell's mum in 'Alexander' (she was 28, he was 27), Glenn Close playing Mel Gibson's mum in 'Hamlet' (meaning that she would have given birth at age nine) and most recently, Hope Davis admitting that she was 'peeved' at being offered the role of Johnny Depp's mum. The reason? He's a year older than her!
But is it really just Hollywood? I'm dating a man who is seven years older than me, and we have literally never had one person make a comment about it. My last boyfriend was ten years older, and it was the same story. But one of my best friends is dating a guy four years younger than her (she's 33, he's about to turn 29) and it's a constant topic of conversation. 

Personally, I think that people should be able to do whatever they want. But I do find it strange when men who are, like, 18-months younger get called 'toyboys' while the difference is totally irrelevant if the man is older. Just like in Hollywood, we pretend that the age gaps don't exist. 




UK School the world's 'most sexually dangerous'

Posted by Catherine Townsend
  • Thursday, 26 March 2009 at 01:45 am
Headlands School in Bridlington, Yorkshire has the dubious distinction of having the highest rate of teacher-student sexual encounters in the first world, according to Nerve's best guess. Police have just charged another staff member with having sex with a teenage girl, bringing the grand total of arrests to FIVE. That's right, five teachers or staff members at the school have been charged in the past three years. 

First, there was the art instructor who forced himself on a teenage girl and got four years in prison (she claimed that she was traumatised from the encounter and left with bulimia and other medical problems). In 2007, another science teacher was convicted of having sex with three students and got five years. Two more teachers were arrested last year, and they received much lighter sentences. 

Parents are outraged, especially since a report by the East Riding Safeguarding Children Board a year ago disclosed that up to 14 members of staff had inappropriate relationships with pupils aged 11 to 18--and seven are still teaching!! The scary thing is, teacher/student sex is probably underreported, so there's no telling how many more indecent relationships are going on in schools. 

Why can't the management control the staff? Why aren't teachers given a battery of personality tests before being trusted with a room full of impressionable young minds? They use "personality profiling" to weed out candidates in office jobs - why not teaching?? Seriously, it's enough to make a person  consider homeschooling.

When Life Needs a Do-Over

Posted by Catherine Townsend
  • Monday, 23 March 2009 at 01:38 am
 Gmail has unveiled a killer new feature: The site now has an 'Undo Send' button that puts a five to 10-second hold on outgoing messages. It's perfect for those moments when you hit 'Reply All' when you really shouldn't...but I'm thinking that ten seconds isn't really long enough. Sure, it covers those brief brain freezes when you send catty messages about your boss TO your boss, but what about the long, margarita-fuelled emails to ex-boyfriends and shag buddies that you don't remember sending until the next day? I'm thinking that a 10-hour delay would be better for certain addresses - Come to think of it, as Jezebel points out, it would be really great if life had an 'undo' button for those awkward conversations/outfits/relationships that you REALLY wish you could go back and do over. Those that come to mind for me would be  (in no particular order) the permed mullet haircut I had in the mid-80s, going to Las Vegas with my ex, doing body shots off a guy with too much body hair and travelling to Caracas, Venezuela alone on a bus full of strangers. But at least I learned from my mistakes!

How to Avoid a Con Artist = Don't Give Him Money!!

Posted by Catherine Townsend
  • Friday, 13 March 2009 at 10:13 am
I feel for Susanne Klatten, the BMW heiress who got taken for a ride by the so-called 'Swiss gigolo' Helg Sgarbi after meeting him at a health spa.  But come on, couldn't she have seen this coming?

Scary to say, but I find myself agreeing with Jan Moir for once...though it's ridiculous for her to imply that falling for a con artist a totally female phenomenon. I have several male friends who have been taken for a ride by predatory women, and believe me, suckers come in all shapes and sizes. 

Still, in this case the amount of red flags were ridiculous. First of all, she was reading a self help book, and he said that it was his favourite. Hello, red flag! Men who make a point of reading self-help books in public want you to know how sensitive and wonderful they are--until they hit you up for a loan. As for the 'spy' line, do people seriously still believe that one? He can't have been a very effective undercover operative  if he plopped down next to a stranger in a health club and announced it.

Still, none of this would matter if everyone followed the most important rule: DON'T LOAN MONEY TO A NEW PARTNER.  If the bank won't give them cash, there's probably a reason why. 

Other warning sighs: If they claim to be 'on holiday in Paris' and you don't get a foreign ringtone (they are probably calling from their mum's basement and Photoshopping the Eiffel Tower in later!), they use the line 'I could tell you, but I'd have to kill you,' or claim to be living with a 'sister' or female roommate who you are never allowed to meet. 

I feel for the victims, I really do. But we all have to have some basic common sense. A new relationship is like a job interview - don't be afraid to ask questions! 

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